How to Rebuild your Confidence After a Breakup

Being Women’s Month, this post is dedicated to all the Women who are dealing with a breakup. I have seen so many women tear themselves apart after a breakup, not having coping mechanisms. I must also admit, I was one of these women during my dating days. This post therefore comes from someone who has been there too. I hope this will encourage you and give you a different perspective to breakups and most importantly, inspire you to rebuild your confidence after a breakup.

Who said that breakups must be painful?

Even if it is, allow yourself to go through the pain if you must. Allow yourself to cry. Grieving is a natural part of the closure process. If this grief manifests into more pain or sorrow, please do seek professional help. After the pain and the tears, remind yourself that it would have been a lot worse if you remained in an unhappy or unfaithful relationship – assuming this is the reason for the breakup. Sometimes all you have to really do, is put on your big girl panties and move forward.

Breakups are not always the result of infidelity.

There are so many different reasons. One of them being, that after some time, two people learn they are not comfortable or happy with each other anymore. This is totally okay and normal. It takes time to get to know a person. Getting into a relationship is not a guarantee that you will be together forever. It is therefore important to get to know someone first, before committing to a relationship.

When you do date each other exclusively, you then get to know each other on a more intimate level, not just necessarily physically but emotionally and spiritually too.

If at that point, you realize there isn’t that “connection”, then it’s okay to communicate with each other and agree to go separate ways. When there isn’t mutual agreement, this is when it hurts either one or both people.

Why?

Most people see this as rejection. Change your stance on this. Don’t look at it as rejection. Believe you deserve better. Realise that you were perhaps not making the other person happy and be happy to set them free. Acknowledge that you had differences which you could not work out. Be confident that you gave it your all before you let go. Think of yourself as being “free” to reach out for your dreams and heading in the direction you know you are meant to go toward.

If something or someone is holding you back from life or from love, there is no point in holding on. It is draining. It doesn’t allow you to leave room for better and bigger things in life which you are destined for.

The manner in which you deal with a breakup is dependent on your perspective. Have a positive approach. Acceptance is key. Then find ways to keep yourself busy opposed to feeling sorry for yourself.

I know what I bring to the table - PeanutGallery247

Here are some things which you could do after a breakup:

  • Go out with friends
  • Read a book
  • Go to the movies
  • Spend time with family
  • Do some volunteer work
  • Indulge in pampering yourself – a new hairstyle, a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, etc.
  • Treat yourself to new clothes or shoes – it doesn’t have to necessarily be new, dress with confidence
  • Make an attempt to make new friends
  • Go sight seeing
  • Engage in a hobby or something creative, e.g. cooking, painting, horse-riding, fishing, etc.
  • Update your profile on or join a social networking site
  • Create positive affirmations and display them where you can see them and use them
  • Listen to positive and uplifting music
  • Make a list of your positive attributes and look at them often to remind yourself of them

That’s Life

Some marriages end. Some relationships fail. People break our trust in them, or we break that trust which someone had in us. This is all part of life. Don’t hold it against yourself if you have one or a few failed relationships. It does not mean that you are a failure. Use the experience from each to help build you and shape you into a better YOU.

Here’s a list of things you should NOT do if you want to move forward:

  • Do not stalk your ex on social media or in person
  • Do not have a blame mentality and blame others for the breakup
  • Do not listen to music that makes you feel depressed – on the same note, also don’t hate a song with memories attached to the ex – if a song is beautiful, you can always make new memories
  • Don’t torture yourself looking at photos, printed or digital – get rid of any painful memory triggers
  • Don’t neglect yourself
  • Don’t not cry if you want to – cry if you must – feel whatever you are feeling but set limits
  • Don’t dwell on the past and what could have been – focus on the future
  • Don’t isolate yourself from yourself or from others – release your feelings by writing or talking to someone about it

What you should definitely do is end all contact with the ex.

You have a choice.

You can let the breakup break you down OR you can choose to build yourself up again.

Remember, some of the strongest achievements stemmed from the greatest falls. We all have lots to give and it’s just a matter of trial and error in some cases, in finding someone who reciprocates all that we have to give.

If you would like an additional resource as a coping mechanism, if you haven’t already read this book, I recommended it highly.

Towards the very end of my dating days, I wished that I had read this book sooner.

Mommies, if you have daughters who are dating, this book would make a great gift and in my opinion, save them from a lot of heartache. I watched the movie as well, but I didn’t think that it did justice to the book.

Name of Book: He’s just not that Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

 He's Just Not That Into You - PeanutGallery247

Have you been through a breakup? How did you deal with it? Your comment/s could help many other women.

If you found this post useful, please use the links at the bottom to share, because sharing is caring and I’ll be glad if you did 🙂

If you enjoyed this post, check out the following previous posts:
Letting Go is Growing Up
Toxic Relationships

4 thoughts on “How to Rebuild your Confidence After a Breakup

  1. Wow…so that’s how breakups go…I’m certain after reading this that I’m not normal!! my ex and I broke up after 2 months together…then he stuck around for 2yrs because “he loved me but didn’t know what to say to his friends about me being Indian” his mum knew and she adored me…so I thought he would work it out in time…skip to the end of the 2yrs I found a girl exiting my yard at 5 in the morning he denied knowing her said she asked for directions…I knew he was lying but I did and said nothing I waited for more evidence irrefutable evidence because I wanted him gone…I had a guy who was my best friend for 2 yrs who was with me everyday and he always said this guy wants you that’s why he is always around so I said he is my best friend I’ve known him longer than you and he isn’t going anywhere…skip ahead I found out he has actually been seeing someone I stumbled across a picture of him and her sitting on a bed and smiling he said he just helped her home after an accident why would he want to be with her she looks like a horse…I pointed out that the pillow on her bed was his so then He came clean he has been seeing her for months so I kicked his ass to the curb…because he was dating someone else and I didn’t want him there stealing my peace of mind and then he decides he still wants to be friends so he keeps coming around to my place where I work and and try’s to act like everything is good it’s been a while so he notices that the best friend and I have changed a bit and he blurts our oh are you two together now?(we weren’t) And we stared at him and ignored him and when I went to best friends home ex was their to argue with him he just didn’t expect me to be there so I went to him and asked him what he wanted he goes off saying I want to speak to your rich boyfriend who can give you everything you want now(I never asked him for a thing it was just his insecurities talking) the he starts accusing Bff of stealing his girlfriend 😳 I laughed so hard!!! Then said no he isn’t into horses…which shocked him then it was he wants me back and I said to him look you and I had 2 months and then 2yrs of I don’t know what to call it and you are dating someone now we haven’t been anything to each other in a long time so he should leave he tried to push past me and I grabbed him by the pinky and I twisted till he screamed I told him if I ever saw him near my best friend I’d maim him he was in shock because I’d never raised my hand before to him I’d always threatened him…he left and didn’t come back now he used the other girl to get to PE left her found a mousy little thing and has a kid with her and he is happy!!! Which I’m really glad for and the best friend and I are celebrating 9 yrs together today lmao…guess the ex was right 🤣 he did want me for himself I just never see when someone is interested like that in me unless they come straight out and say it

    1. Asking for directions…looks like a horse…! Gosh, those excuses are pathetic but when you’ve actually heard them, you know that there are people that stoop to that level to cover up their tracks. I always believe, if you don’t want to be with someone, just tell them you want out. Why lie, makeup excuses and go through all of this? surely it can’t be nice. I am glad you found love with your best friend and I wish you all the love and happiness and many more years of togetherness.

  2. Yes, I’ve been there too. The advice seems logical but hard to practice.

    It is difficult to set limits on your agony after a breakup. I cried whenever I wanted to and I was totally free thereafter.

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