Being Women’s Month, this post is dedicated to all the Women who are dealing with a breakup. I have seen so many women tear themselves apart after a breakup, not having coping mechanisms. I must also admit, I was one of these women during my dating days. This post therefore comes from someone who has been there too. I hope this will encourage you and give you a different perspective to breakups and most importantly, inspire you to rebuild your confidence after a breakup.
Who said that breakups must be painful?
Even if it is, allow yourself to go through the pain if you must. Allow yourself to cry. Grieving is a natural part of the closure process. If this grief manifests into more pain or sorrow, please do seek professional help. After the pain and the tears, remind yourself that it would have been a lot worse if you remained in an unhappy or unfaithful relationship – assuming this is the reason for the breakup. Sometimes all you have to really do, is put on your big girl panties and move forward.
Breakups are not always the result of infidelity.
There are so many different reasons. One of them being, that after some time, two people learn they are not comfortable or happy with each other anymore. This is totally okay and normal. It takes time to get to know a person. Getting into a relationship is not a guarantee that you will be together forever. It is therefore important to get to know someone first, before committing to a relationship.
When you do date each other exclusively, you then get to know each other on a more intimate level, not just necessarily physically but emotionally and spiritually too.
If at that point, you realize there isn’t that “connection”, then it’s okay to communicate with each other and agree to go separate ways. When there isn’t mutual agreement, this is when it hurts either one or both people.
Most people see this as rejection. Change your stance on this. Don’t look at it as rejection. Believe you deserve better. Realise that you were perhaps not making the other person happy and be happy to set them free. Acknowledge that you had differences which you could not work out. Be confident that you gave it your all before you let go. Think of yourself as being “free” to reach out for your dreams and heading in the direction you know you are meant to go toward.
If something or someone is holding you back from life or from love, there is no point in holding on. It is draining. It doesn’t allow you to leave room for better and bigger things in life which you are destined for.
The manner in which you deal with a breakup is dependent on your perspective. Have a positive approach. Acceptance is key. Then find ways to keep yourself busy opposed to feeling sorry for yourself.
Here are some things which you could do after a breakup:
- Go out with friends
- Read a book
- Go to the movies
- Spend time with family
- Do some volunteer work
- Indulge in pampering yourself – a new hairstyle, a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, etc.
- Treat yourself to new clothes or shoes – it doesn’t have to necessarily be new, dress with confidence
- Make an attempt to make new friends
- Go sight seeing
- Engage in a hobby or something creative, e.g. cooking, painting, horse-riding, fishing, etc.
- Update your profile on or join a social networking site
- Create positive affirmations and display them where you can see them and use them
- Listen to positive and uplifting music
- Make a list of your positive attributes and look at them often to remind yourself of them
Some marriages end. Some relationships fail. People break our trust in them, or we break that trust which someone had in us. This is all part of life. Don’t hold it against yourself if you have one or a few failed relationships. It does not mean that you are a failure. Use the experience from each to help build you and shape you into a better YOU.
Here’s a list of things you should NOT do if you want to move forward:
- Do not stalk your ex on social media or in person
- Do not have a blame mentality and blame others for the breakup
- Do not listen to music that makes you feel depressed – on the same note, also don’t hate a song with memories attached to the ex – if a song is beautiful, you can always make new memories
- Don’t torture yourself looking at photos, printed or digital – get rid of any painful memory triggers
- Don’t neglect yourself
- Don’t not cry if you want to – cry if you must – feel whatever you are feeling but set limits
- Don’t dwell on the past and what could have been – focus on the future
- Don’t isolate yourself from yourself or from others – release your feelings by writing or talking to someone about it
What you should definitely do is end all contact with the ex.
You have a choice.
You can let the breakup break you down OR you can choose to build yourself up again.
Remember, some of the strongest achievements stemmed from the greatest falls. We all have lots to give and it’s just a matter of trial and error in some cases, in finding someone who reciprocates all that we have to give.
If you would like an additional resource as a coping mechanism, if you haven’t already read this book, I recommended it highly.
Towards the very end of my dating days, I wished that I had read this book sooner.
Mommies, if you have daughters who are dating, this book would make a great gift and in my opinion, save them from a lot of heartache. I watched the movie as well, but I didn’t think that it did justice to the book.
Name of Book: He’s just not that Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo