Every day is not going to be great and mine certainly didn’t start that way today. When I mentioned that I want to be more active on my blog this year than I have been the past few months, this is me living up to that. Here I am also expressing my emotions. Yes, even the not so pretty ones because life is not always a bed of roses. I can wish that it were, but the sad reality is that sometimes, life just sucks! I am angry, flippen’ angry!

Why is it that only when it’s too late, that we realise what we could have or should have done or said? I know I have been inspiring (or trying to) you to not let time hold you back and to live in the moment and to believe in the power of now. I’m not saying that I don’t believe that, I still do – but I slipped up. I missed an opportunity to tell someone how awesome I think they are.

I am angry – very angry!

I’m angry at the Universe. I”m angry that this person is so ill. I’m not cursing anyone else, but I keep asking myself, “why him?” Why is it more often than less, we find that the most awful things happen to the most wonderful people? Why does it have to be this way? I don’t have answers and I don’t expect you to either, I’m just on a rant.

My blog is my outlet and in line with #keepingitreal, I want to be able to have freedom of speech, to express myself, just the way I want to. Whether that makes me look weak or bad or negative, doesn’t matter. What matters is that this is how I feel and if you have ever felt this way, do let me know that it’s not just me.

Have you felt this way?

Have you felt so mad at the world, that you just swore? I did, in my head. I drove to work this morning with tears rolling down my eyes and I was filled with such immense anger. I got to my desk and it took me some time to calm myself down and stop crying.

I’m angry because the people closest to me are hurting and there is nothing I can do take away the pain and the sadness. I am angry because I don’t understand how someone so good, so loved by all, so kind, so caring, so down to earth, so full of life, can suddenly, just be so ill!

I’m angry because it’s been a few months and I have not awoken from this bad dream, none of us have. I am angry, I am flippen’ angry because I see so much now that I didn’t give much thought to then. I now realise just how incredibly amazing this person is.

I can’t tell him that. Well I can, but I don’t know if he can hear me. I grew to love this person so much, I grew to admire and respect him so much. But I never told him that. We just take some things for granted. We take it for granted that people know how super special and amazing they are. We should not, we should always let them know, because one day, we may realise it too late.

He’s that guy…

I don’t know anyone, absolutely anyone, who can say anything negative about this person. He’s the guy that everyone loves to be around. He’s the guy that is the life of any party. He’s the guy that will get along with anyone, from all walks of life, young or old. He’s the guy that will always make sure your glass is topped up. He’s that guy that brings so much joy to anyone who knows him. He’s that guy who’s kind and humble. I could go on…he’s that guy that’s lying in hospital right now and I didn’t realise that I’d miss him this much.

No one deserves this! Certainly not him! I am angry, I am flippen’ angry!

Why him? Why him? Why!

I can’t tell you how this song makes me feel…all I think about is him…I don’t remember ever in my life wishing for a miracle, like I have the past few months.

Love and appreciation – don’t just limit this to your husband, wife and kids. If there are people around you, who you admire and respect – let them know. Let them know now…there’s no better time than NOW.

Nicola Signature - PeanutGallery247

2 Replies to “I am angry, flippen' angry!”

  1. If you are Talking about this special Person, I can only Imagine how you feel. I’ve had the pleasure of Seeing him on Both of my last vacations. He is honestly speaking amazingly exceptional. Loving, caring, entertaining, humorous, intelligent. I can go on and on.
    He’s just an adorable darling. I can only say that I loved him on meeting him. It breaks my heart when I think about him. I often ask myself why him, why him?
    He made my stay very pleasant with his kind heart, his generous nature. He didn’t do anything special but it was just this feeling that he transmitted. I think everybody who met him probably felt like I did.
    It’s a rarity meeting people like him. Open minded, open hearted. He didn’t make any differences, judge people, nor did he scrutinize. We are all the same and are welcome.

    Wherever you are, thanks for your beautiful spirit. I’ll never forget you.

  2. Thanks for this post Nicole. I know last year I went through I lot of anger and still do sometimes but it also shifts to sadness. Such is the nature of grief it has a multitude of emotions and the worst is you cant control what happens. The only way is through. Sending you the biggest hug.

I love feedback, so please feel free to comment below...