Yes, I seriously did and let me share why exactly I thought about my ex and loved it. On our recent family road trip to the east coast, as the music played in our car, it brought back recollections of my past, specifically of my ex-boyfriend – my high school love. As I listened to the songs, I remembered how deeply I loved, how deeply I hurt and how immature I was, well in comparison to now.

I was a young girl who fell in love then and when I fell, I fell hard. Perhaps that’s why they call it “falling” in love – you become so besotted to an extent, that you become “crazy” in love. Well, I admit, that was me then. I’d listen to love songs that made me sad or cry and at other times I’d listen to love songs that made me believe then, that I will never love another in my life ever again.

As we drove closer to our destination, more songs from yesteryear played, triggering more memories. They were happy memories, songs that reminded me of how much I loved then.

Was I feeling guilty that my husband is driving, and I am reflecting on the past, triggered by the music playing?

No, not at all.

Why should I?

You see, I was a young girl falling in love then and I’ve now become a mature woman who has grown and still growing in love. I can look back without regrets.  It was good, no, it was great whilst it lasted. I learned, accepted and understood a long time ago already that some things are not meant to be and that people change, people grow and circumstances change.  That’s just love, that’s just life. It’s okay to accept and let go and to move on.

Looking back at the past, thinking about a past relationship, isn’t always a bad thing. When it reminds you of how much you have grown, it’s something to be proud of. As a mature woman now, when I look back, I can laugh at the things I said, felt or did as a young girl in love.

As a young girl, I used to be much more mature than many around my age group, but no matter how mature, when it comes to being in love, it can literally make your world go around as some say.  It can make you feel so smitten, that you become blinded and you somewhat lose your sense of identity because you’re trying so hard to be that perfect girlfriend.

When I think of all the decisions I made back then to avoid a fight and to avoid jealousy issues, it is evident that I held myself back from a lot of things in life. Cos that’s what we do when we are young and in love – we try so hard to please the other person, that we lose sight of our own needs in doing so.

To give you a typical example, if my boyfriend at the time didn’t want me to speak to another male, even one of his friends, I would listen to him. If I didn’t, we would have a fight and there would be heartache all stemming from jealousy. I wasn’t all innocent either, I used to debate that there should not be double standards. 

You see, when you are young and in love, you are still learning about yourself, you are still learning how to trust. When you don’t trust each other, there will be lots of fights because of insecurities. But we should never allow our insecurities to hold us back in any way. There should not be ultimatums or demands. Those are not signs of a healthy relationship.

When you look back on a past relationship, there is no point in looking back in anger. Looking back in anger is allowing yourself to have feelings. Anger and hate consume your time and energy.  If you can look back, without feelings of resentment, it’s a sign of growth.

Therefore, when I thought about my ex, I loved it, simply because it reminded me of what I have in my life now. It reminded me of the girl I used to be and how I’ve transitioned into a mature woman.  A woman without relationship insecurities, like I had when I used to be that girl in love.   A woman who is blessed to have a husband who let’s her be who she wants to be, no demands, no conditions. A woman who has grown and is still growing in love, with a life partner, who is her best friend.

When you look back at a past relationship, don’t hate the song playing because of the memories triggered. Find a way to love that song again. Remind yourself of how far you’ve come and how much you have grown. Smile because it happened and keep smiling because of what is currently happening in your life and that which is yet to happen. Appreciate the love and the life you have now and if sometimes, a trip down memory lane has to make you more appreciative, then so be it and don’t take what you have now for granted.

Yes, I thought about my ex and I loved it. It reminded me of how much I’ve grown.