We got married because we loved each other so much
I was in love. I was so happy to be in love. It all felt so magical, like nothing I had ever experienced. He swept me off my feet, he told me all the things I wanted to hear – I couldn’t believe that this was all happening to me. He was perfect, he knew just what to say and do. How could someone know me so well? He was the one. A year later, when he asked me to marry him, I gladly said yes, without any thoughts that I may be divorced later or any other insecurities then of course.
A year later, our little princess was born. Such beauty. I couldn’t believe that she was mine and that I became a mother.
I was pregnant when he cheated on me
She was only 6 six months old when things began to change. I sort of sensed some differences when I was pregnant but I thought it was the hormones acting on me. It must have been women’s intuition…I later found out that he was cheating on me.
I was broken. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to us? What did I do wrong? Is it because I was pregnant? Is it because my body changed. He told me that he would love me forever.
I found out that he was seeing her from the time I was four months into my pregnancy. It doesn’t matter from when – he cheated, he lied. The trust was broken.
The Dreaded D Word – Divorce
Before my daughter turned 1 year old, we were divorced. He begged, he pleaded. I didn’t give in. As much as it hurt me and as much as I would have liked for my daughter to have a proper family, I realised that my definition of “proper” is what I wanted for her. I didn’t want her to become the child that suffered because of her parents who were unhappy with each other.
If raising her on my own is what I needed to do, I decided that I will. I would much rather be a single mom than be with a man who does not appreciate me, value me, respect me or love me enough to be loyal to me. If he wanted to be part of my daughter’s life, I would have no objections, he is her father after all and I will not rob her of that, because of what he did to me. I felt that was a mature way to look at the situation and I also felt that it was a sign of me not holding on to any feelings of hate, remorse or regret.
I could not change what happened. I could not undo it. I knew that hating myself or him, was not going to help. I learned to forgive him. I didn’t go back, I could never do that to myself, I respect myself too much. If he cheated once, he could do it again, well, I consoled myself in that thought.
Divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing
Okay…if you’ve read up until this part, I just made all that up…trying to put myself into the shoes of someone who has been through divorce or similar. Here’s my opinion on the situation…please note that I am not a Doctor of any sort, this is merely my opinion. If you are in such a situation, please seek professional guidance.
I never understood why people lie. When I am aware of someone being unfaithful, it Evokes feelings in me that make me wish I wasn’t aware of such. (It also inspires me to write a post of this nature)
If you are unhappy in a relationship or marriage, then let the other person know. It IS possible to love someone but not be in love with them anymore. If you try to work things out after a compromise and it still doesn’t work, then walk out. There is no need to be in a committed relationship or marriage if you can’t commit.
There doesn’t have to be children, there doesn’t even have to be infidelity, sometimes, over time, people fall out of love. They suffer in silence. Why? Cos they see divorce as a tragedy when in fact, staying in an unhappy marriage is they tragedy. Life is too short to be anything but happy!
There are many people who look down on divorced women, more than they do at men – in my opinion. They do not know all the circumstances. Some of us were led to believe that we should never get divorced. I am a firm believer that if you are not happy together and have tried everything to make it work, then divorce is setting each other free. Why be together when you are nothing but miserable together?
It takes more than just love to have a happy marriage
Note, I could have said, “it takes more than just love to make a marriage work,” but I didn’t – simply for the reason that I believe; it isn’t about merely making a marriage “work”.
Marriage is so much more that that – you should make it beautiful and romantic, etc. But this post isn’t about making a marriage work…so let me refocus…
It is so easy to be swept off your feet. You get so smitten and “fall” in love, that you also get blinded. Yeah…it’s happened to the best of us. At the time, it all seems so perfect. Before you decide to say yes to spend the rest of your life with someone, don’t only base your decision on the fact that you love each other.
Look at other things, like trust and having common life goals. Without these, the relationship or marriage is doomed for failure if there isn’t compromise when needed.
There’s life after Divorce!
I just want to say to all of you who have been divorced or are still divorced. You are no less of a person! You made a mistake, we ALL make mistakes. Pick up the pieces and move on. If you happen to find someone worthy in the future, then get married again. Don’t let the divorce hold you back, just because it didn’t work out the first time.
Don’t worry about what other people say. Ask yourself, do they matter? Are they paying your bills? Make decisions that will make YOU happy, it’s your life, divorced or not, make it rock! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, get out there and live your life.
If at first you don’t succeed at being happy, then try again! Happiness is a journey, the road is not always straight, there will be bumps and humps…yes, humps that you didn’t expect…just move along, choose another route, you never know until you try, you may just be pleasantly surprised! That route may be more scenic. So don’t be afraid, get up, wake up, remove those blinkers and smell the roses along the way.