Are you in the dating scene? Not sure how to read into what the other person is saying, by means of action, body language and/or words? Well, here are some pointers that may help you…

Sometimes you’ve got to Ruminate and ask yourself, “Is he all that?”

Please note that every person is different and these are just generalist points, which you need to consider with some common sense and the person in question…

Does he sweep you off your feet too quickly? Want to get into a relationship almost immediately?

Be careful of this. Someone who carefully chooses you, after getting to know a little about you first, is someone more trustworthy as he was careful enough to get to know you first, before taking it to the next level. Women very often get “carried away” when a guy wants to date her and  “jumps” into the relationship, also not knowing the guy well enough. It will do you good to do some homework…don’t become a Private Investigator…just be cautious enough to look for signs that he is not married or in a relationship or has no ulterior motives.

Does he want you to spend time with his family and friends? Or does he keep you away from your family and friends?

Either way, he does not respect your needs. He is self-centered and only thinking of himself.  Why should you forget about your family and friends who were there before he entered your life? If he cannot compromise from the start…ask yourself if you really believe that he will later on in the relationship.

Is he always calling the shots? E.g. about where to go, when to go, what to do and who to do it with?

If he doesn’t care about your preferences and only takes you to places he wants to go, he is again being self-centered. A relationship is about compromise and whilst he doesn’t have to be involved in every single thing you do; it would be nice if he put some effort into doing things that will make you happy too. You don’t just want to be a “passenger” in his car or life in any way. Your interests are just as important as the things and places he wants to go to.

Does he coerce you into doing intimate things which you are not comfortable with?

“If you love me, you will” if you hear him say this and feel pressure to prove your “love” by performing sexual favours to him, you have been manipulated. Love should be unconditional and you should be doing things that you feel comfortable about doing and want to do, not because you are forced to, even in the subtlest way. You will end up losing respect for yourself when you allow yourself to give into such demands

Does he insult you in the presence of other people?

If he makes fun of you or insult you in front of other people, he doesn’t really value you. You are special and you should be respected. You should be treated with dignity and should not have to pay the price for him being humorous at your expense.

Does he always hide his cell phone from you? Or not answer whenever you call and only call you at certain times? His phone is always on silent when you are with him. Always getting missed calls from a private number?

Be cautious, there are so many people leading double lives and those that are extremely secretive, are usually guilty (not all the time) of being married or being in a relationship. If they have nothing to hide, then why should you not be able to call whenever you want to?

Does he tell you that his ex was psycho and all ex’s he had were the problem?

Oh shame, what an awful past he has had! What mad women he has been with!! Now really…be very careful of such men, they are very “gifted” of appearing so righteous and making you hate the ex, thinking she is the devil and so obsessed with him. It’s amazing how many men these days paint a horrible picture of their ex, just to get you to feel sorry for him and make you feel closer to him! Don’t fall for this trick!

Does he listen to you ATTENTIVELY?

Does he really listen to what you say? Where you never have to repeat yourself the next day or after a few hours. You don’t want someone who merely “hears” you, you want to be with someone who actually “listens” to you. When a person takes time to listen to you, attentively that is, it shows they really care about what you did, what you’re going to do…etc.

How does he behave when he is angry?

Does he punch his fists or bang the table or drive faster and recklessly? If he does this and anything similar, be careful, as he surely has a problem controlling his anger and if he can behave in this manner with you, you really don’t know how long it will be before he starts hitting you?

How does he treat other people?

Pay attention to how he treats other people. If he is kind to a waiter, a petrol attendant etc, then you can see that he generally treats people well. If he is Prince Charming to you and treats others with disrespect, he is probably only trying to impress you with his almost perfect behaviour.

If you are with someone with one or more of the criteria above, you’re onto him…he is acting. Give him a medal for best actor and dump him. Do not allow yourself to become his doormat. You do not deserve to be treated as such so do not settle for less, know your self-worth and don’t compromise it.

This is written from a woman’s perspective (myself), so the same applies to men as well, it was just easier for me to write in this context 😉