So today’s post is a little different. It’s been 14 years since my mother passed away. I thought I would dedicate this post to her by sharing with you, my message to my late mom.

There is a reason for me to do this, well more than one reason. Firstly, I always feel solace when I am immersed in my thoughts during writing. Secondly, for some reason the anniversary of her death day this year has made me feel more emotional than ever. I realised that it’s because I would have wanted her to meet my son, Kayden. I recall having a similar feeling the day I got married, wishing that she was there to experience and share in my joy.

And lastly, I hope to inspire those of you who are fortunate to have your parents still around. Time is way too precious, and we should not take it for granted! But we do, don’t we? We should not wait until it’s too late, to say or do something that’s on our minds. Being a parent isn’t easy and you probably will never understand the depth of this statement, until you yourself become a parent.

What once seemed a simple decision, isn’t anymore. Parents are certainly not perfect, they do make mistakes. Parents have feelings and emotions as well, going through things in life that they were not prepared for and they don’t always know how to deal with it. Some of them do, but many of them don’t. Sometimes their own experiences are reflective in their behaviour. Some of them have coping mechanisms, some don’t. Parents may have the best intentions, but it doesn’t always go as planned.

FORGIVE and forget. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

My mother and I didn’t have the perfect mother-daughter relationship, in fact, it was very far from that. I did however make peace with her before she died and I can’t imagine how I would feel right now if that had not happened.

So, my message to you today, is to try to make peace with your family. We are all human, and by that very nature, we make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them. Some of the valuable lessons here:

• Don’t have grudges
• If something is on your mind, speak about it
• Be supportive
• Be empathetic
• Appreciate your family and the times you spend together
• You only have one shot at it, so make it count

Message to My Late Mom

I wish you could see me now.

I am a happily married wife.

I wish you met my husband,

But you did, when he was my primary school crush.

After all those years, we are married now.

I know you would have loved him,

Many of his traits remind me of you.

I am happy and I am blessed,

I wish you could see me now.

 

I wish you could see me now.

I am a mother now.

My heart skips a beat each time I look at my child,

When I wish that you could have met him.

I know that you would have loved him so much,

You always preferred boys over girls.

He points to your photo on the wall,

When we ask him “where’s grand mum’s photo”?

He’s the cutest little human,

My precious little son,

I wish you could see him now.

 

I wish you could see me now.

I have my own little family,

Something I always dreamed of.

It didn’t work out for you,

But it did for me.

I wish you could have experienced love like I do now,

I wish you didn’t have to hurt like you did.

I wish I was older then, to help you and to understand you,

Which not many or anyone seemed to.

One things for sure,

You made me strong.

In your unconventional ways, you taught me how to survive.

Visualisations of my childhood linger in my mind,

You opened me up to so many things that most in my midst didn’t hear of or experience.

Sometimes I hated the things you said or did,

I didn’t understand it then.

But I do now.

It’s made me a woman of strength, a fighter, a survivor.

 

My mother, Pamela, was an excellent cook. She made the most delicious German cuisine I have ever tasted. She also cooked Indian food very well. She and the Weber braai were best friends, things that one wouldn’t even make on a braai, my mother made to perfection.

My mother loved dressing and she had the figure to rock a mini skirt and shorts. Back in the day, when my mother attended functions at school, she used to raise eyebrows with her sense of fashion – it was a very conservative community then. She loved fine fragrances and always had the best of them, which is why to this day, I still wear some of her favourites.

She was very kind and lavish. If you were a friend or family, she showered you with all kinds of gifts, from perfume to jewellery. Christmas for us was like Santa Claus really dropped all the gifts down our chimney. It wasn’t just the gifts, it was the food and a huge variety of it. All the traditional stuff you would expect at a Christmas dinner, only more, with the matching tablecloth and crockery to go with it. We always had a genuine Christmas Tree which we would plant in the yard thereafter.

She was stubborn and straight forward. You either hated or loved her. She always spoke her mind. You always knew where you stood with her. People feared her because of her sense of authority. But people looked up to her and admired her as well. If you got on her wrong side, then best you keep your distance from her.

But she was a carefree spirit, and if she wanted to dance, which she absolutely loved, then no one was going to tell her otherwise. She lived her life to the fullest, she did what she wanted to without any reservations. I don’t think there are many people who have experienced all that she did in her lifetime.

She was damn intelligent. She knew something about everything. She was a very good judge of character as far as I can recall. She could tell who to trust and who not to.

She loved her family. She always brought the family together. She was fun. When “Pam” was around, everyone knew that there will be booze and good food and fun, fun, fun. She loved alcohol, sometimes too much.

My mother loved music, all types. Some of her favourites included “Red, Red Wine” by UB40, “Could you be loved” by Bob Marley, “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner and “Please Don’t make me cry” by UB40. Before she passed away, the song I recall that she listened to most, was “D’yer Maker” by Led Zeppelin. For this very reason, I played this song at her funeral.

Writing this post, has made me feel so much prouder about my Mother and all that she was, I am proud to be her daughter.

As always, I would love your thoughts, feelings/comments below…