For most of my life, when I thought about having a baby, I imagined it would be a girl. I had the most beautiful dreams and visions of dressing up “my daughter” someday. Ribbons and bows, pink and purple. Tiaras and headbands, tutus and pearls, pretty little socks and old-fashioned frocks…aah how lovely it would be to dress up a little girl.
When I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted to know if it was a girl or boy. My husband on the other hand, didn’t want us to find out the sex of our baby. At first, I wasn’t at ease with this. I mean, how could I keep this a secret from myself? How would I go shopping and not know whether to buy pink or blue. I battled with this and tried to persuade my husband but he isn’t easily persuaded. He did tell me that if I wanted to find out the sex, that I should not tell him. That, I knew I would not be able to do.
So as the months went by, believe it or not, not knowing the sex of our baby actually became exciting. I was enjoying the element of surprise. I joked about what would happen if it were a boy, I was convinced that I would need therapy. At the same time I told myself that I just want us to have a healthy baby, regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl…but in my heart, I wanted a girl.
Before I knew it, almost 9 months later, the 21st of July arrived. Believe it or not…I had resisted the urge to find out the sex and so I too was excited and anticipating our arrival, with absolutely no clue if it was a he or she, regardless of how many conflicting gender prediction tests I did for fun.
My husband was in theatre beside me and the Doctor said, “it’s a boy!”
There was tears…….tears of joy! At that moment all I could feel was joy, a joy I can’t explain. Whatever part of me that wanted a girl…gosh I have no idea where that idea went, it seemed like a distant memory. I had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy! We have a son! We are parents! The moment was magical.
My dream of having a daughter was replaced…with a son, my son, that can never be replaced.
Being new parents, we made some mistakes along the way but our baby boy is just over 6 months now and there is absolutely no girl or any other baby of any sort that could replace him!
It’s amazing how the things we want in life aren’t always what’s best for us. Sometimes we get what we didn’t ask for and it ends up being the most precious thing we could ever have.
My son is one part me and one part his dad, he is the epitome of our love for each other. Never in my life had I imagined that I of all people could love a boy so much, but I do. My son is a reminder of the love I have from his dad, my son is a reminder of how precious life is, my son is my biggest reminder that in life, all things are possible. My son is so precious, even though he can’t walk or talk as yet, he’s brought about feelings in me I never knew existed.
My son’s innocence has had a positive effect on my life. Somehow motherhood has softened me and at the same time strengthened me. I am a mum and loving every single moment of it. Nothing can replace this remarkable feeling, it feels like a promotion from wife to mum, but this mum has an amazing husband and hasn’t forgotten that she is a wife too 🙂