They say that when you get married and/or when you have a baby, that life changes…in the sense that the romance wears off. For some this may be true and others may be lucky enough that things only get better. Whilst I can’t speak for everyone else, I am going to attempt to share my thoughts around how to revive the romance, not just for Valentine’s Day – but to allow this day to inspire you to make that attempt.
I’m born in October, so one of my typical Libra traits is that I love being in love, so I naturally love the idea of romance and being romanced. If you’re not sure about the difference between romance as a noun and romance as a verb, I’ve taken the liberty to share the definition with you…thanks to google;
So let me take you back a few years ago…okay, maybe not a few…more like over 20 years ago. I feel like I want to share my love story again, for the very many new readers and of course because it’s the month of love.
So here goes…my husband and I first met in Primary School in what we referred to as Class 1 then. This was in 1986. We were each other’s first crush – you know that puppy love feeling? When you doodle his name on your jotter books and you go home each day and watch your mother and aunts watch a soapie, “Santa Barbara” – you listen to the theme song, “If ever you’re in my arms again‘” by Peabo Bryson – of the characters Kelly and Joe and you can’t help but feel butterflies in your tummy when you associate the song to your love interest. Yep, that was me then alright. We even had our first dance together whilst in Primary School.
Romance Tip: Listen to music together or by yourself, that puts you in the mood…
In 1993, we went to different high schools, so that was the last we saw each other until 2011, when our paths crossed again and we call this serendipity. We conversed over email and text messages, as we lived 400kms apart from each other. For every email or text message I sent, I waited in anticipation for his reply – the distance certainly created more excitement and he was a mystery to me then…he sometimes still is, and I love that about him.
Romance Tip: Send your love interest an instant message when they least expect it and what they’d least expect you to say…express your thoughts…without any inhibitions
On the 27th of February 2011, we had our first date, where we met each other for the first time since 1992. The hours and the days preceding to this; I recall how I searched high and low in my cupboard for the perfect outfit to wear. I wondered what to do when he came to pick me up, this is something I didn’t do in the past; if I was going on a date, I would go and meet the person wherever. But this time, I allowed someone…him…to come and fetch me. I didn’t know then that this man would one day be my husband. Here’s a selfie I took as I waited for him to fetch me that day…
Romance Tip: Do date nights…make it special. Dress to impress each other
When he entered the townhouse complex I lived in at the time, I wondered what to do…should I let him in, should I meet him outside? Should I hug and greet him or just shake hands? Before I knew it, I heard a knock on the door and there he stood smiling at me, I remember every single detail in what he wore. We did hug, a very quick and nervous one – both hesitant and shy or nervous.
Romance Tip: Give your partner an affectionate kiss or embrace when they least expect it – totally out of routine
We then left to our destination. I just recently found out that it no longer exists. However, that afternoon led to the evening and by the time I was back home, my cheeks hurt because I smiled so much. It was a smile like I had never experienced in my life before then. I didn’t know then what it was…but that was of course the start to this magical journey.
Romance Tip: Think about what to say or do to make your partner smile – be THAT reason that he or she smiles…
The very next day, I was surprised at work with a flower delivery from NetFlorist. He ordered me the most exquisite floral arrangement that I had ever received in my life. Oh my word…being the sucker for romance that I am…his impeccable taste scored him huge brownie points! (No…just in case you’re wondering, by my levels of excitement, it wasn’t the first time I had been sent flowers.)
If you’re looking for an exquisite floral arrangement to send to the special lady in your life…this in my opinion, is stunning but there are so many others to choose from and at various prices, to suit every pocket;
Romance Tip: The element of surprise – express your love and affection with a loving gesture
Seriously…I enjoyed the element of surprise and the message in his note – which told me that this is a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to express it. I’m a sucker for eloquence and his confidence intrigued me. So, he may have not known it then…but I was more than just captivated at this point.
Romance Tip: Express yourself, don’t be afraid to let your partner know your desires, wants and needs. Leave a sticky note with their lunch or in their car…
Getting to know each other over emails and texts over the distance over the next few months, in my opinion, slowed the pace of getting to know each other – you get to appreciate each other more. Sometimes, people move too fast in relationships and this is often a reason for breakups, because you didn’t take the time to get to know each other before you took the relationship to the next level.
Romance Tip: Don’t rush, savour each moment
As the months went by, I received more floral arrangements and other pleasant surprises via Netflorist and if you’re familiar with the 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman, you’d guess by now that one of my stronger love languages, is the language of gifts. My husband said something to me then, which I will never forget, and that was that he promises to create such pleasant moments in my life in the future. He hasn’t let me down to this day. (You’re welcome to read about how he proposed here)
Romance Tip: If you’re following my blog for a while now, you’d probably know that I am a huge fan of the 5 Languages of Love Book by Gary Chapman – even if you don’t like reading, this book is easy reading and it’s something you have to read if you truly want to understand your partner – so make a point to read this book.
I remember how my colleagues that I worked with at the time, commented that they’d never seen me so happy and that I was glowing – they used to catch me in the “act” smiling at my phone whenever he texted me. It felt like I was a teenager again. I was loving the feeling of being wooed, I was loving the romantic gestures, it made me feel special, it made me feel wanted and it made me want to spend the rest of my life with him (I may have not told him this then…but it was my heart’s desire at the time)
Romance Tip: Explore ways that will spruce up the romance – make it a goal to woo your partner again…and again….
Isn’t that what romance is about? That exhilarating feeling that makes your heart skip a beat!
Does it end after marriage? No, certainly not for us, well not yet anyway and I don’t think either of us will allow it to ever end. Is it any different? I’d be lying if I said it’s the same. No, it isn’t.. we’ve both become somewhat lazy and comfortable. I’m in no way saying we don’t do anything romantic, of course we do, but just as not as frequently as we used to, like when we were courting.
Life happens, you move in together, you get married, you have a child, you have other responsibilities and your circumstances change, which inevitably does have an impact on the romance side. BUT you should never forget to take the time to appreciate each other. You should never stop the romance. Even if it isn’t as often, make the effort to do things that you both enjoyed and still do, whether there is a child in your life now or not.
If you feel like the romance in your life has somewhat taken the backseat, it’s great that you acknowledge it. If my love story has made you smile, remember that you can create your own beautiful love story. It’s never too late. Do something about it!
With Valentine’s Day being this month, why not surprise that special someone in your life? If you don’t fancy going to a shopping mall, you can order something special online within a few clicks.
When was the last time that you got that special someone something special? Whether you’re married or still dating, if there is someone that you love, don’t take them for granted. Don’t allow the romance to die. Don’t assume that they are complacent. Netflorist has put together an incredible Valentines range for him and for her…
Whilst I may love the idea of surprises and gifts and being wooed…it doesn’t mean everyone has the same preference, so take the time to get to know what the other person prefers, likes or wants. Make some effort to make it special. If you want someone to feel smitten, you’ve got to make the effort to sweep them off their feet…yes…some people still do want and enjoy this feeling.
Please don’t think that it’s just ladies that like to be surprised. Of course, men do too. So ladies, here’s some inspiration for you to spoil your Man and remind him just how much you love and appreciate him. If he is a Jack Daniels fan, check out this Cigar Man Crate from NetFlorist:
Valentine’s Day acts as reminder for us to express our love, but don’t let it be the only time you do this. Love should be expressed any day, any time and not just on special occasions.
1 Lucky reader stands the chance to win a Netflorist Valentine’s Voucher to the value of R500; to use toward adding some romance in your life by spoiling that special someone.
All you have to do, is comment below, which gift you would choose from the Netflorist website, if you are selected as the lucky winner.
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T’s and C’s
- South African Residents only
- Prize is not transferable or exchangeable for cash
- Competition ends at midnight on 10th February 2018