I think it’s human nature that we have the need to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. We would like to be liked; be it for our intelligence, passion, talents or sparkling personalities. We seek these things from others when we should actually be practicing self-love. I’ve been guilty of this. I remember that when I heard of people gossip about me or share opinions of me that were less than pleasant and even untrue – I’d let it bother me…for days!
I used to ponder about why they said what they said and then I’d also try to clarify and point out the reality. I wanted to be liked by them. I somehow made their opinions of me pivotal to my wellbeing. Without realising it, I changed some of my habits and behaviours to fit their expectations. Giving others such power over me meant that I lost a part of me when I was too focused on creating that perceived impression.
Of course, when I look back now, I see what a waste of time and tears that was! I am ME! What they say or think of me has no significance and will not change who I am. I must admit that it did take some time, but I did fortunately learn and grew to realise that it doesn’t matter what people think of me and that I should not be seeking validation from unwarranted opinions.
People are always going to have opinions, some good, some bad and regardless of how good or bad you do whatever – there will always be opinions. And that’s okay, because we do have opinions of others too. That’s just life, we should not let other’s opinions influence who we are or our actions.
I know that it is much easier said than done, but I can assure you that when you make a concerted effort to not worry about what others think or say of you, you will do more, feel more and become more without any reservations. This is when your life will feel more rewarding. This is when you are able to practice self-love. If you allow other people’s opinions to get to you, then it’s YOU that’s holding YOU back, not them.
How to stop worrying about what others say and think of you
There is this mantra I love which has helped me: “What other people think of me is none of my business”
Focus on WHAT and WHO matters.
Where is the negativity coming from? Often, those who are unhappy with their lives, will comment negatively. If you do need constructive feedback, seek it from someone you trust and forget the rest.
Accept that people are different.
People have different values. What’s good for them may be bad for you. Culture and upbringing affect opinions and behaviours. You know what’s best for you so it’s important to keep perspective. Also remember that what someone thinks or says of you today, could change tomorrow because opinions change and that’s a reality.
Desensitize your triggers.
Do you take things too personally? Are you overly sensitive even when you know things are said about you that are not true? Stop thinking too much about this and focus on your goals and your behaviour from your own perspective.
When you spend less or no time on worrying about what others say and think of you, you inevitability make more time available to focus on yourself and your own opinions. You can then ask yourself what YOU think of you. If the answer is anything less than pleasant, then ask yourself what you can do to make changes so that you can love you. If you don’t love yourself, why even expect anyone else to? When you learn to practice self-love, it will become very clear that you don’t need the validation from others which you thought you did.
Practicing self-love boosts your confidence. It increases your energy and productivity. With a higher level of self-esteem, your relationships improve and so does your overall health and happiness too!
If you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, stay tuned for my next Self Love Tip, “Letting go of Toxic People.”