Do you find yourself always being attracted to the same type of person? Always having the same issues but in different relationships? Toxic relationships?

Why do we not grow from these mistakes? Why do we continuously make the same mistakes?

Perhaps there are some unresolved issues from your past. It could be that you fear being alone. Perhaps you were abandoned as a child, by a parent or both? This feeling of abandonment leaves you feeling somewhat more “desperate” and “hungry” for a desire to be loved and accepted.

If you were raised in a home that was broken or suffered some type of abuse, perhaps you are attracted to that type of partner? You feel comfortable because you are familiar with such personalities and your self-worth erodes to the extent, where you feel that you deserve to be treated without respect or lack of commitment. You accept someone who lies to you. You accept someone who doesn’t value you. You accept someone who does not respect you.

You should not. Regardless of the circumstances in your upbringing, you deserve to be treated affectionately and respectfully, wholeheartedly. Anything less, is not worthy of you or your time.

If you have unresolved issues of the past, you will not be ready to get into a relationship that will be most valuable to you as you will have low self-worth. In order for you to not settle for less, you’ve got to deal with these issues so that you can move forward in life. Use the past as a stepping stone to head in the right direction, to get all that you never had and desire and deserve.

Have you gotten into a relationship, more than once, and felt as if it was déjà vu? Well this is when you need to break the cycle. You need to be brave to break away from what’s familiar. You’ve got to find the courage within yourself to explore the unknown.

Don’t fear the unknown. It’s not as bad as you imagine and how can you even consider something is bad when you haven’t given yourself a chance to explore it? It’s very often not bad at all. Fear restricts us from taking risks. We fear rejection. We fear abandonment. We fear living with a purpose. Take risks, explore the unknown.

How? Well, be bold enough to show interest or at least converse with people you would have not had the courage to speak to before. If you were always attracted to the most gorgeous person, make an attempt to speak to the average looking person. You will be amazed at what you may find. You may find depth and common goals. Remember, sometimes it can be very “hot” outside but “cold” inside and all that glitters is really not always gold.

People spend enormous amounts of time, even investing money, in trying to look beautiful on the outside, when they should really be taking time and effort to be pure from within. One of the most common mistakes is judging people on appearance. People should be judged by character and personality and this takes time and effort. If a relationship feels destructive, it will further erode your self-worth and why should you want to be in a relationship which does not feel rewarding to you in any and every way? It’s because of that lack of self-worth, that you condition yourself to feel and accept behavior which is not on par with your desires.

Another aspect is the pressure by society, or by family, to settle down. People don’t always see it as you taking your time to find the “right” person for you. Women are more stereo-typed than men. Men are sometimes applauded for being a “bachelor” but a single a woman over her 30’s is very often degraded by society. Why is that? Has anyone ever perhaps considered that she is independent and knows what she wants and won’t settle for less? It is challenging to find a good man and a headstrong woman who values herself and knows this, does not get pressurized by society or by family, after all, it’s her that’s going to have to live with the choice that she makes, not them.

Don’t rush into a toxic relationship if you are merely “running” out of time or if your “biological” clock is ticking.   If you are in a relationship and it doesn’t feel right, do something about it. Get out of that toxic cycle. Don’t settle for who’s just “available”. Look within yourself and reach out for your dreams.

Some signs of a Toxic Relationship:

  • Jealousy
  • Possessiveness
  • Abuse – all types
  • Blame Mentality – always blaming you for everything
  • Lack of appreciation – doesn’t not appreciate anything about you or anything you say or do, no matter how much of effort you put into it, also doesn’t value your thoughts or opinions, everything you say is discounted, making you feel inferior
  • Lack of commitment – lies, cheats, unreliable, empty promises
  • Makes fun of you – picks on your weight, your family, your friends, etc.
  • Threatens to kill themselves if you leave them

A toxic relationship is harmful to your wellbeing. It can and does have an effect on your life in all other areas. It does not make you feel like a better person. You have very little or no self-worth. You feel emotionally drained. You feel tired of life. You become stressed. Almost everything in your life is negative in some way or the other. Bottom line, it’s toxic, it’s not good for you…it kills you inside, slowly but surely.

Believe that you deserve the best, because if you don’t, don’t expect anyone to treat you like you’re the best.

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