I was going through my past musings and I came across this…something I wrote before I got married…looking back, I am glad I believed and still do believe in love and grateful that at the time, I was able to walk out of a toxic relationship because I was able to identify the signs…

Tomorrow being Valentine’s Day, I find that there are many people who are deeply affected by this day. Perhaps it’s the commercialism attached to it, or maybe the heartache and pain of being alone, or even worse, being with someone and not knowing if that someone is the right person for you.

Well, in addition to all the books I’ve read, the following is based on my own experience and just something to help you think…

You’re asking yourself if you are in love or not and maybe you are…but how do you know if the other person loves you the same? You even try to convince yourself that he or she does. There is still that doubt within, that inner voice echoing something, telling you to be cautious…

Here are some easy ways to know if someone really cares about you or not…

• If he texts you often, he is showing that he thinks about you, which is good.
• If he always answers his phone when you call, it shows he has nothing to hide.
• If a guy really wants to be with you, he will. There is absolutely no excuse that is good enough to justify why he can’t be with you. If he says he needs to complete his studies first and can then only give you more of his time, don’t waste your time with him…if he can’t pay attention to you now, what makes you think he is going to be able to do that later?
• If he tells you he is waiting to make something of his life, like buy a car or a house or any material thing, and once he’s done that, then only he can commit to you…run away fast girl, this guy is selfish and only thinking about himself. If he truly loved you, he would believe and know and want to achieve things together with you.
• If he constantly speaks to his ex’s and tells you that it is all innocent, and you keep hurting about it, and he doesn’t stop it, leave him immediately! Ex’s are part of the past and that is where they should be kept.Whether he has photos of his exs one month after or one year after, he should not have them unless he’s not over them……so you do the math! If he can’t respect your feelings and you as the person in his life at the present, he is never going to. Especially if he wants you to stop communication with people from your past, but unable to give you the same commitment. That’s having double standards. Are you worth that?

Emotional Abuse

If you love someone, you sometimes become blinded, you are so blinded to all they say or are that you get to a point where you actually start believing all they tell you. Why? Because this is the person you love and you expect him or her to be honest right? Wrong, there are many people who have insecurities and other psychological issues and this is when you become their prey. They make themselves stronger (some without knowing it) by putting you down. By calling you names, by telling you that you have a problem. Because you love this person, you hurt and you think that you may even need help. WRONG! That person needs help because when you love someone, you pick them up. Even if they have a problem, you help them through it, you support them, because that is what true love is all about.

You end up feeling so low about yourself. You lose your self confidence. Your main focus becomes that other person, trying to make him or her happy, you try so hard that you lose yourself, you forget your goals and your dreams, and you live each day, just to make that person happy. When you love like this, the wrong person takes advantage of that, sees how much you love him or her and takes you for granted.

You then lose your friends. His friends become important. Why? Because you love him so much and you want to make him happy, so seeing him happy, makes you happy.

You see less of your family. Why? OH, because he may not really get along with your family, so you don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, so you rather just see less of them.

You stop going to the places you like. Why? Oh, because he doesn’t really like it.

You stop doing a lot of things, because you want to please this person so much.

Now stop and ask yourself, what has he or she done for me? What sacrifices has he or she made just for me?

If you can’t think of many things, BIG PROBLEM!!

Get up and smell the roses now, you are spending your time, life, love and effort, investing all of yourself to someone that does not even give you half back.

When someone really wants to be with you, in the initial stages, he will make that first move. Later on, if he still wants to be with you, there is nothing or no one that can keep him away from you. If he stuffs up, when he really and truly loves you, he will do everything in his power and beyond, to show you how sorry he is. Whether you want to forgive him or not depends on the seriousness of the situation.

Ask yourself though; is it worth your time? Is this person going to change after all this time? If someone never showed you respect from the start, it’s very hard but not impossible, for them to begin now.

You end up thinking that you are happy because you silently live in hope that one day this person is going to give you their all, that maybe one day, this person is going to do something special for you.

You go on having faith in that belief or deep desire, but it’s your faith and desire that’s keeping you hopeful, not the other person.

You rather live without such a person than live with a person in your life that drains you for everything you have to give. It’s just not fair and love is a two way thing, it’s a give and a take. So if someone is doing all the demanding and you are doing all the giving, it’s time to stop that right now and believe in yourself, you don’t need a person like this in your life. When you have someone like this in your life, you stop yourself from being your best, because your energy is wasted in areas it should not be.

You are with the right person, if he calls to check if you reached safely. If you are feeling sick, he cares for you. If you are crying, he is there to wipe away your tears, whether or not he caused it. If he goes away on business, your love is still strong because you don’t have to worry about him being unfaithful. If he sends you sweet or sexy sms’s during the day just to let you know he is thinking of you…If he visits your friends and family, even though he doesn’t like to, it shows he cares about your needs and he cares about making you happy. If he is honest and lives by morals such as trust and loyalty etc, then you build a stable relationship on common ground.

If a man or woman can’t give their all to you, you don’t deserve him or her. You are all special and you all deserve someone who makes YOU their number 1. Don’t make them a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs.

So, if you are reading this, I hope it has made you think about the person you are with. If you have all the good things I’ve mentioned, I hope you take the time to show your love that you appreciate him or her, trust me, not many people have that, so if you do, treasure that, because you truly have a treasure.

If you are the latter, who has someone that just makes you an option in their life, be strong and walk out now. If you feel this way now, there is not much this person can or will do, to change that for you. You have your whole life ahead. Age only matters if you are cheese as I read somewhere 😉 Don’t put your faith in someone who only hurts you. You are beautiful, you are special and you deserve to be loved for who you are, don’t allow anyone else to make you feel or believe otherwise.

If you are alone for Valentine’s Day, be happy that you are alone than with the wrong person. Spoil yourself, spoil a friend, but just don’t feel sad. Life is too short to be sad. When you start believing in yourself and stop trying to find happiness in or through someone else, you will learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself more, this will be the first step to finding yourself and being at peace with yourself and once you have that, you will radiate such energy that attracts positive people into your life.

True love does exist, don’t give up because you met a few wrong people that give love a bad name. Be inspired to live each day, because you have love in your heart and please share this with anyone who you think, may benefit from reading it.